First Steps

When I set the camera down on the path, I didn’t exactly know what I was about to film. I had just received my new GoPro and really just wanted to try it out. Record my morning jog. It was only when I got back to the studio and reviewed the footage that I realized the story I needed to tell: It was time to talk about my fear of failure. 

Fear of failure is an emotion that I live with daily. In general, it prevents me from trying new things because I don’t want to screw anything up. I get triggered when confronted with tasks, assignments, people, places, etc - and a certain “fight or flight” syndrome kicks in.  I immediately want to run, hide and duck for cover. There is a voice in my head that warns me that safety is only guaranteed if I stay in my own lane. “Don’t do anything new”, it says. 

I hate this voice. 

This voice prevented me from playing sports in junior high and high school, making friends with people I was intimidated by, applying for jobs that I wanted, standing up for myself in times of conflict, or even giving myself fully in love. I self prophesied that even before I put any effort forward that I was going to fail. The voice in my head kept reinforcing that I wasn’t talented, smart, handsome or skinny enough. And I believed it. (Still believe it?)

This negative voice was particularly harsh in my twenties and thirties. But now that I have entered my forties a new fear has come to the forefront: My fear of waking up at 80 and realizing that I didn’t accomplish everything I wanted to  because I was scared.

It’s time to start again.

I invite my first YouTube video, “First Steps”.